you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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