Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
