Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
