Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
