Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
