You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
