I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
