I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
