Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
