I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I smell stomach acid.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
