She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
