Rock
Scissors
Fuck
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
