There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
