Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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