Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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