Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
