I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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