my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
