Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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