Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
