It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
