I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
