apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
