i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
