no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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