i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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