4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize