Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
