I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
