why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
