I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize