Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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