I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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