We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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