y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
