She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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