never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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