He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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