Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
