i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
