this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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