Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize