I wish I only lived at night.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
