I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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