So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
