FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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