my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
