I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
