I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
