Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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