I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
