16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Pooping to opera.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
