If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
