I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's the barista slut.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
