I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Terrible idea I love it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
