The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm like, not good at living.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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