i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
