then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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