1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
