I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
