We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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