I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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