good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Let's get the cat blown out
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
