I want to have your abortion
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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