I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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