Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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