he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize