Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
