I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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