he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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