How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
