who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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