I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
