thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
