your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
