I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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