I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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