I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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