Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
