He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
